A hopeless cry of infinite darkness

A Hopeless Cry of Infinite Darkness (subtitled: "Sadies lame blog") is written by Sadie Tucker, who describes herself as "a MTF transgender, who's spent more than 2 decades committed to sex and drugs and rock n roll. I'm currently trying to get clean and it sucks. So instead of smoking crack I'm writing crap on the computer."

Sadie's storytelling is un-self-conscious and straight-up and she uses great phrases like "today I got the pissiest news since pissy news was invented". Check out this wicked account of how she first met her lover. Or what it's like to try and fill your day with a whole lot of not buying crack:

Once again a day of wasted time and wasted opportunities. Thematically this is a perfect fit since, barring a couple of rare and isolated times, my life in its entirety has been a shocking and saddening waste.

And so it's on that cheery note that I begin yet another meandering and utterly pointless entry on this the lamest of the lame blog elite.

I've been getting re-acquainted with the internet these past few weeks - in fact since I'm not doing drugs, and need to occupy my time somehow, I've been spending a simply ridiculous amount of time online. Right now I'm trying my hand at being an internet DJ courtesy of a site called blip.fm. I've got - as of this particular juncture - a grand total of 15 listeners. Not the start of a revolution, but it's fun knowing other people are listening.

I've also been obsessed with a social networking site called Facebook and that's been fun. Mainly it's given me a great deal of fun catching up with scads of people I haven't seen for over a decade, and in some cases longer. It's cornball, and a little pointless, but nonetheless it is genuinely fun to connect with so many people I had lost track of while developing my drug addiction.

Another one of these social networks that I've gotten involved with is called Fetlife and it's a similar concept, but is geared towards the kinkster/fetish crowd. All of this is helping to keep me from thinking about smoking crack, which is a good thing. In fact that might be the best thing about it. It's hardly a substitute but I'll take every bit of help I can get. It's Sunday morning as I type this out, and that means that I'm just over 24 hours away from getting my welfare cheque. This will be the first time in about a month that I'll have the money to get some crack if that's what I wanted to do. and it most certainly isn't. I'm grateful though and thank Goddess that my dearest sister will be with me when I cash it. So that means my chances of caving in and buying dope are virtually nil.

Sadie does end up slipping with a bag of coke she finds, but gets things back on track, only to get busted by the Toronto cops for Section 213 of the Canadian Criminal Code - communicating for the purpose of prostitution. She tells a harrowing tale of what it's like to spend a few days at the Don Jail as a trans woman.

But me telling her story on her behalf really kind of sucks. It's her story and she tells it with ample wit and self-determination. You're better off going to her blog and reading her story and cheering for her through the Intertubes yourself.